Kai Lawson

#mynerves

Kai Lawson
#mynerves

#Mylifeofkai ep 34322432-- I have a new pet peeve and while I understand that my peeves are slightly neurotic and OCD, I also recognize I don’t care. They are real and they are proven and TRUSTED by me. Yes—I will judge you if you don’t make your bed daily. Yes—I think it’s dumb as hell when people say they don’t drink alcohol while they pour glasses of wine. No—I won’t answer the phone from men that text me within 24 hours of giving them my number. These are things I just CANT.

Lately, I’ve discovered a new irritant of mine. And given the context of the environment (New York City) I feel I could make room for an emotional adjustment on this one— yet, I’ve recently decided-- No. Fuck you. You’re wrong. This newest pet peeve is not greeting when uberpooling.

See, If we're Uberpooling together and I say hello to acknowledge your presence and you don't respond with a hi, a hey, a yo, a sup, a hello back.... Im automatically going to assume you're a sociopath, and I'm going to assume so OUT LOUD. SO YOU CAN HEAR ME. Because you're either a rude, or a sociopath to not acknowledge the presence of someone literally less than 1 foot away from you in a small capsuled contraption such as a car. WE ARE LITERALLY BREATHING EACHOTHER’S BREATH. How much more intimacy do we really need to share at this point?   And for the record, I know Sociopath will sting for a longer period of time. So that is why those words, will leave my mouth and smack the shit out of your ear. 

You see what you won't do today-- is watch me get dropped off directly in front of MY HOUSE and not look me in my face and say-- Hello...SOCIOPATH!

I am fully aware of the ancient customs of the NYC nomad. I know that upon entering the subway system, one must pretend to not see crazy even when crazy is standing directly over you, screaming in your ear for change in a muffled hybrid language of Russian and lunatic. I also know upon traveling on foot or per public transportation (specifically alone) one must do their best to disappear into the abyss by not hearing, seeing or speaking to anyone unless you are ABSOLUTELY SURE you know someone. Lord knows everyone hates to call for the friend they thought they say but that they didn’t really see. I get it. Those are safety precautions. But if we are partnered up, in an effort to save 25% on our $15-$20 ride through any of the 5 boroughs, the least we could do exchange a silent hey.

How else am I supposed to feel confident YOU’RE not crazy??? Truly I feel like if I farted, and you could smell it and identify it was DEFINITELY me, with no question and little to no argument—then we should greet each other like the high maintenance urban transportation snobs we really are. Because what else kind of person takes a damn $20+ uber instead of a $2.50 train ride?

 

Think about it…