I had a damn good time living my life in 2017. While I could sit here and talk about the things I learned, I think It’s better to recount the truths myself I lived. I’m always going to learn lessons. Like how I learned this morning, I shouldn’t walk outside with one layer on my legs. In the cold I need a denim and legging combo for any weather forecast under 30 degrees— frostbite is real. But I feel like it’s the practice and success of these lessons that are far more helpful to others. Kinda like a proof of concept. So here’s my 2017 list of shit that worked for me in 2017:
I Do What I Want, When I Want
Outsider expectations cause a lot of pressure for me, and often times drive my anxiety straight to level 10. This will almost always guarantee my fingernail nubs become shorter (because yes…I still bite my nails) and my alcohol consumption becomes higher. It’s nothing I’m proud of.
So I spent a lot of time saying fuck it in 2017. Stress is my enemy and I wanted as little to do with it as possible. So, I did what I wanted, when I wanted to or more specifically when it felt right, for my spirit. My friends hear me speak about my spirit a lot, and it’s real. Some people call it their gut, or intuition, or instincts. I say spirit for dramatic affect and because I do believe in the idea of having a spiritual self. So basically, I wake up when it feels right, I stay home from work when it’s necessary, I talk to people when I feel like it and ignore them when my spirit decides, nah son we good. I mean, on some real shit— everyone doesn’t deserve your time all the time.
I also, managed to permit myself time to authentically and honestly feel things. If I felt like being happy… I was happy. If I felt like I needed to sit in my own feelings and be sad… then I allowed myself that time to feel the sadness… And when I was ready to get the fuck over it, I went into the world to go be fucking great. Everything is on my own damn terms and it’s been dope.
No #Squadgoals… Just a #Squad
One of the biggest tasks in my 20s was sifting out my real friends from the others. These days, I’ve found my tribe. Actually they’re fondly known as my neighborhood association. These are the real homies. The ones I call for inappropriate favors, the ones who can show up to my house unannounced, the ones who can veto new people in my life and the ones who will always get an invite to Sunday dinner at my house.
In my experience, these friendships don’t come with conditions. They ride and they die and they’re appreciated. These people are my life savers, my live motivational videos, and personal board of directors. When I bullshit, they call it. When I fuck up they sit me down. These are the people who, travel up the street, around all 5 boroughs of NYC, AND (not or) fly internationally (on their own dime) just to hang out with me. If you’ve ever watched Friends, or Living Single. It’s basically like that. You should get you some.
If There is a No, I’ll make a Yes.
For the most part, I know if I really want and believe I deserve something— I can have it. When I’m my most confident version of myself, I’m a beast. The audacity that I show sometimes is ridiculously inspiring, even for myself. For example, one time I walked into a private party and when asked for my name, I gave the door manager the name of the publicist throwing the party. Obviously, I didn’t know the door manager WAS THE DAMN publicist lol. So while that should have been embarrassing, I finessed the shit out of that and got my lying ass AND 2 friends into that damn party. Boss!
Unfortunately, more often than not, I absolutely hate the word no. Probably just as much as I hate the sound of a sharpie on paper (ugh I’m getting hives just thinking about it). So in an effort to avoid a no, or rejection, I just slam on the breaks my ideas and my goals and kinda hold off on things until— forever. It’s cripplingly unproductive and some of my best ideas and opportunities have died because of it.
So in 2017, I decided I wasn’t going to let opportunities and ideas die because I’m being a big ass toddler. I was going to try going for things despite my detest and fear of the word no. Basically, I found myself faking courage in an effort to defy low confidence and achieve some big successes. I know that sounds shitty, but my personal motto has always been 2 outta 3 ain’t bad. So if I can have real success, by being fake confident I’ll take it. This usually meant excruciatingly uncomfortable conversations, interactions with the word no, and then acting on my plan b’s and c’s. Where ever there was a no, I was determined to make a yes.
2017— we did the damn thing! Thanks homie :-)