Kai Lawson

#mylifeofdefiance

Kai Lawson
#mylifeofdefiance

When I was in day care, the only friend I can remember having told me, one day, her daddy said she couldn’t play with me. Guess why? Because I was black. Guess what? We remained friends anyway.

In middle school, a few classmates told me I wouldn’t cast as lead role in my 8th grade play, Annie… Guess why… Because I was black… Guess what?! I tried out for Grace and landed the role of Miss Hannigan. I just wanted 1 line, but the way #mylifeofkai works, I got more lines than the lead. Also, Annie, was casted by a classmate of Pilipino decent. All those classmates who doubted can kick rocks. 

 

In High School, I applied for Homecoming Court. I never believed I’d win. Guess why. Because I was a different kind of black girl in a white world. Guess what. I won. 2005 Homecoming Queen and to my knowledge the 1st black girl to do so in the town of Downingtown, PA.

The previous year at that very school, after my 1.5 week lesson on civil rights, I asked my 11th grade history teacher if she thought we’d ever have a Black President. This woman, a woman of color. A woman of wealth, a woman of HBCU education, and a woman of the prestigious Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority incorporated… She told me very poignantly "absolutely not. Not in my life time at least.” Guess why? Because, America would never elect a person of color. Guess what? 3 years later, I voted for and attended the inauguration (first and 2nd) of Barack Hussein Obama. My, your's, and our 44th President of the United States of America. 

 

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Today, I sit poolside in fucking Bali, Indonesia (this is far far far from home) like the baddest bish I want to be, and I watch the social media posts roll in as the 45th president of the United States of America takes the oath for the most influential and coveted political seat in the world. This man, which I’ve come to know as a regular cast member of World Wrestling Entertainment's Monday or Thursday night programming, and on Thursday night network tv’s viewing of The Apprentice, and Who’s managed to infiltrate the hip hop world in lyrics by the likes of any black rapper who wanted to express the extent of the wealth they sought to acquire or claimed to already achieve. will take the oath and lead the most culturally influential country in the world for the next however many years. This man who quite vocally despises, gays, blacks, muslims, women, handicap, immigrants and people with education, has acquired the seat of the President of the US of A. And I can see there is hope that is lost for many. But as far as I’m concerned, right now, not me Because FUCK THAT!

As I sit here in this country of extreme poverty and burgeoning wealth and I reflect. I reflect about how, I shouldn’t be here, because based on what I learned growing up. I am black, and people like me don’t get to do things like this. You know-- travel internationally and shit. And then I think about how Barack Hussein Obama, a different kind of black man, who is very similar to a different kind of black girl like me, managed to accomplish the Societal determined impossible over the course of 8 years. And I think about how grateful I am to have experienced his pre and post legacy. 

I think about all of the can’ts I’ve been exposed to in my life. The ones imposed on by society, and the ones I’ve imposed on myself, based on my socialization and education by society. I think about how often I’ve surprised myself with “Oh Shit I can(s), followed by oh shit why didn’t I think I could(s). 

I think about why I travel quite frequently to far away places like FUCKING BALI, INDONESIA, and I realize It’s because I respect no boundary. No physical, nor mental boundary can contain me. And whether or not I believe it, I’ve always fucking seen it. 

So as I bask in the luxury of travel, and appreciate my access to social media, and I think about the doubt and the fear I have regarding this new presidential administration, I feel calm. I feel free and I feel defiant. Because it doesn’t matter what the fuck society says. The impossible is always possible, and I just have to find a way to make it mine. Because America is indeed already fucking great.